"I'm just way too drunk right now, I need to sober up." I need to go home now or the wife's going to kill me," he says to the bartender.īut as he's trying to get up, he falls awkwardly to the floor. Late at night, he suddenly checks his clock. "Well," says the pirate sadly, "I wasn't really used to the hook yet."Ī man has been drinking all day at a bar. "So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird poop!" I looked up, and one of them pooped in my eye." "Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. "Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes." I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really." "Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. "Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands." "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really." The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before." "What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine." The bartender walks over shaking his head & mutters,"It's going to be a long night tonight, the Murphy twins are drunk again."Ī pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. Mary's in 1964 my own self."Ībout this time, another guy walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. The other guy answers, "Well, now, I graduated in 1964." The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. The first guy gets really excited, and says, "And so did I. The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. The first guy says, "Faith & it's a small world, so did I! And to what school would you have been going?" The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town." The first guy responds, "Sure and begorrah, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?" The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am." The first guy says, "So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?" The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!" Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar.Īfter a while, One guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland." The octopus replied, “Play it? After I figure out how to get the pajamas off her I’m gonna screw it!” The handler began to get nervous so he said to the octopus, “Hurry up and start playing the thing!” The octopus sat there eyeing the bagpipes up and down for quite a while. The man agreed and handed them to the octopus. The bartender said, “I’ll bet $100 that the octopus can’t play these bagpipes.” The bartender went into the back and brought out a set of bagpipes. After a minute or two, the octopus began playing a deep and soulful jazz solo. The octopus took it and stared for a bit. The man paid his handler $50 and sat down.Īnother man brought a saxophone to the octopus. There was no doubt that the octopus was an excellent guitar player. The octopus took the guitar, tuned it right up and began playing. One man pulled an old guitar off the wall that hadn’t been tuned in years and gave it to the octopus. He went up to the counter and bet everyone in the bar $50 that they couldn’t bring the octopus a musical instrument that it couldn’t play. A man walked into a bar with his pet octopus.
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